i can hold my words long enough to let you pass by, but when i'm alone lying on my ceiling staring at my floor, i only wish to siphon myself next to you. it's a perfect denial. the beautiful lie i could never refuse. the only lie i ever want to believe in.

i just want to leave.
leaving you to stay

following through to our promise, i give gentle smiles. i wont let you in on my secrets. if i told you all i wanted, would you make an effort? i get so invalid sometimes. your words counteract and my emotions become void and numb. you are my suffocate silicone.

i just want to kill you.
to let me love you.

[i am finally free.]