June 30, 2019 - 1:17 PM

my grandma passed away in the middle of the night, in her sleep from what I am told.
peaceful and ready.
this pain has become a steady friend to me. she has been standing by my side, now holding my hand, as we approach each bedside. each deathbed. we have been busy collecting such terrible things.
i told her the other day on my way down to see grandma that we needed some space, i needed the space. received with such a smile I havent even begin to torment you yet she whispers.
she has taught me to search for beautiful things though. when i am driving by i notice the smiles on others, i notice the moments people are having. driving past the church, seeing all the cars file out so neatly onto the road. i pray that everyone has a good day too. she has shown me countless last breaths and bodies dead and dying, but she is showing me life.
i had almost thirty minutes alone with my grandma. in that time i told her all my memories of staying with her every summer. i pressed the three urn neckalces to her hand and she grabbed just gently. i said, these three are waiting for you on the other side, will you take care of them for me?
and i kid you not she rolled her head to look at me and smiled.
ill never stop crying for that.

<< nothing - now >>