May 18, 2018 - 11:56 AM

i came home to find garbage all around my chair. its not mine, in fact its his dearly beloveds. that girl who hates me more then she has love for her family or friends. i leave when she shows up now, for that is the only way to coexist. I don't speak, i just leave. i go to work early. i will respect her hatred, but i will not feed it. but can i bring it up? when i kick over her half drunk forgotten beer thats stashed by my pillows? no because i don't belong in his bed. but what about the trash at the foot of my chair? no because this is his house and and i dont need to be here, he can kick me out.
so this day is filled now with silence after he is done yelling at me. my words arent shit because his family can do what they words just become shit.
whats worse is how much i love him. whats harder is that this emotional abuse has changed me. i didnt want it too but it did. so here i am, trying out new things to bring back that smile to my soul. and it works because it takes appreciation of the little things. like right now i just noticed some weeds growing out of the metal fire pit thas been unmoved and untouched for a few years now.
it takes courage to grow in obsolete places. if i can find the strength in that, then i can do anything :) no matter what.

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