i had a dream about my past. how i would only wade out knee deep in this freezing ocean. safely mixed between home and self with responsibility and obligations. back then i would've never dreamed wading out farther. to my waist. to my shoulders. above my head. back then, i would've surrendered. back then, i was safe.

and when i looked at myself now, i realize i've been progressively making my way deeper into this freezing ocean. this drowning sensation filling every hole of home and self. i'm up to my lips, just enough to scream for help, just enough to hear myself echo to the shores, but not enough to walk back. this numbing sensation diluting me - following functions i'm expected to fulfill; not the functions i desire to do. at this point i know it's not a dream. now, i'm surrounded. now, i'm alone.

this wave..
death.