if it aint broke don't fix it
May 23, 2017 - 9:54 AM
i do this every time, in only a matter of time
requisitions were placed, just as sure as the day turned to night. we made it this way. he made it this way.
i followed the claim, yes, full-heartedly and more willing. he was the guy i've been wanting to be with for so many years and now that we are at this precipice, this giant cliff, i see that he was only ready to walk up to this point with no true intention of taking the leap. he pushed me off and watched me die down there.
and yet i lived, he didn't see it coming. and now that i've changed, he wants nothing to do with me outside of the wifely duties. and we arent together in this. we arent at all what i thought we were. this daydream was so sweet and i loved to so much. but honestly, i hate myself. i've gone back to that loathing sense of self because if i were in fact good enough, he would want to go see that movie without me having to beg. he'd say hell yes to that concert.
but to him all i want is to keep him down. every question of 'are you coming home tonight?' is seen as a threat. he drops me off as far away from the front door of my work so that no one has a face to the name.
and thats what i've become. thats what i am. in my eyes he is beautiful and troubled. he's wonderful in every way i could have dreamed, but he left me years ago. right there two feet from me and i have no idea where he is.
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